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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29718852">Not Delivered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeandliterature/pseuds/lifeandliterature'>lifeandliterature</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Comment and let me know what you thought please, Depressing, Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Kinda, My second Sherlock fanfic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV John Watson, Please Don't Kill Me, Sherlock Holmes &amp; John Watson Friendship, Sherlock Holmes Returns after Reichenbach, Text Format, dealing with John’s grief, i seem to be slightly obsessed with writing stories in text format, set just after the fall, written as platonic but feel free to squint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:42:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,497</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29718852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeandliterature/pseuds/lifeandliterature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One shot- John still texts Sherlock after The Fall. Angst with a happy ending. </p><p>JW- I visited your grave again today. In fact, I visit it almost every day. I brought you some flowers. Not tulips, don’t worry, I know how much you hated them. Some yellow roses. They’re supposed to represent friendship and gratitude. I thought it was fitting; I’m so grateful to have had the privilege of calling you my best friend. I think you would have liked them. I hope so. (not delivered)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Delivered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is just a random one shot that came to me today. I sat down and didn’t stop writing until I’d finished it, about three hours later lol. I’m not sure if the dates are entirely accurate, but I think it’s okay, for the most part. Please comment and let me know what you enjoyed/any feedback in general, as I love hearing what you guys enjoy about my stories! Also, if you haven’t already, please go and check out my other Sherlock fanfic “Mycroft Holmes left the chat”. It’s a WIP, updated at least once every week. I think that’s everything and I hope you enjoy :)</p><p>DISCLAIMER- I do not own Sherlock Holmes or any related characters.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b> 3rd March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- You’re not dead. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- You can’t be. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I don’t believe it. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Fuck, why aren’t these sending?! (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Sherlock, this isn’t funny (not delivered) </p><p><b> 4th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Please tell me this is all some stupid joke (not delivered) </p><p><b> 5th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Sherlock! Sherlock, answer me, you bastard! (not delivered) </p><p><b> 6th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Sherlock, please! (not delivered) </p><p><b> 7th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Sherlock, I need you. You can't have done this, you weren’t suicidal! Christ, you weren’t, were you? I never saw any signs. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 9th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- It’s only been a week, Sherlock. You can still come back. I’ll forgive you (not delivered) </p><p>JW- God, of course I’ll forgive you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Just please don’t be dead. (not delivered)</p><p>JW- Tell me this has all been some stupid joke or experiment. Come back and everything can go on as normal, you shooting the wall and Mrs Hudson insisting she isn’t our housekeeper, and me moaning at you for the head in the fridge, or whatever body part you’re keeping in there at the time. </p><p><b> 12th March 2017 </b>   </p><p>JW- Your funeral’s tomorrow. They want me to give a speech. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through without breaking down. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 20th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I still can’t believe you’re gone, Sherlock. Everyone else is telling me that I have to accept it, that denying everything isn’t healthy, but how can I? The other option is...god, I can’t even consider it. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WHY AREN’T THESE SENDING? (not delivered) </p><p><b> 28th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I don’t understand, Sherlock, please. You can’t be dead...you just can’t. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 30th March 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I need you, <i> please. </i> (not delivered) </p><p><b> 3rd April 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- It’s been a month, Sherlock, this isn’t funny. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 16th April 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I’ve moved out of the flat. I can’t stand living there without you. There are too many memories. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 4th May 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I hate you, do you know that? (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I hate you so much. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- It’s not fair.</p><p>JW- It’s not fair, what you’ve done. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I hate you for hurting me like this. I hate you for killing yourself. I hate that I blame myself. I hate that I know you were framed. I hate how helpless I felt watching you jump off that rooftop. I hate that I didn’t see the signs and I hate that I don’t even know if there were any. Most of all, I hate how much I miss you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- My God, Sherlock, it wasn’t supposed to happen like this! (not delivered) </p><p>JW- You were supposed to make a deduction and prove your innocence and then we would go back to the flat and laugh and get drunk and play charades. Just like we usually did, after we (well, <i> you </i>) had solved a particularly difficult case. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- DID YOU EVEN STOP TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH THIS WOULD HURT ME?! (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I hate you. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 5th May 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- No, no, no. I didn’t mean any of that. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I don’t hate you (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Of course I don’t hate you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- How could I? (not delivered)</p><p>JW- I never told you this but you saved me, Sherlock. After Afghanistan, I was in such a dark place. And you saved me. In every way a person can be saved. I felt so many emotions when I was with you. At times, I felt angry. Others, happy, sad, bored, excited, amazed, scared, and every other emotion you could possibly imagine. Except hate. You annoyed me, of course. Christ, you annoyed me so much sometimes. But I’ve never once hated you. Ever. I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to hate you. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 15th May 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I visited your grave today. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- It’s the first time I’ve had the strength to. I know that sounds so awful of me but it’s true. Most days, I haven’t even been able to get out of bed. (not delivered)</p><p>JW- Mrs Hudson came too. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- She misses you, Sherlock. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Everyone misses you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- So much (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I talked to you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I felt stupid but I’d like to believe you could hear me. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Somehow. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- You were always so good at all the seemingly impossible things. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I asked you something, did you hear? (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I asked you to stop being dead. To come back to me. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I know I should have passed the denial phase by now. And, logically, I know that you’re not coming back. (not delivered)</p><p>JW- But can you do that for me? (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Please? (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I just need one more miracle, Sherlock. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- How about this... if you come back, I promise I won’t nag you to do the dishes or clean the flat or not piss people off by deducing everything about them. I didn’t hate it when you did that, by the way, I thought it was amazing. <i> You </i> were amazing. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Is that a deal? If you come back, I’ll try my best not to nag you as much. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I promise. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I won’t even keep asking you to sleep and eat or any of those boring necessities you hated so much. I know you’d like that. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Although, I was only trying to make sure you were okay. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 28th May 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I just want to let you know that you changed my life, Sherlock. In ways you can’t even imagine. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 7th June 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- You know, I’d give anything to find a head in the fridge right now. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 18th June 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- Some days I miss you so much that I consider joining you. But I couldn’t do that to Mrs Hudson. She’s taken your death so hard. We all have. We all blame ourselves. I wish you were here to tell us that it wasn’t any of our faults. But, the truth is, no one knows why you did it. We know you were framed. But we don’t know how or why. And that’s why it’s so unfair. I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Sherlock. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 1st July 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you so much. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 16th July 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- You were an incredible man, Sherlock Holmes. The most incredible man I’ve ever met. I never told you that enough and I regret it every single day. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 21st August 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 14th September 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you so much. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 16th September 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I don’t think I’m ever going to recover from this, Sherlock. </p><p><b> 30th September 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I visited your grave again today. In fact, I visit it almost every day. I brought you some flowers. Not tulips, don’t worry, I know how much you hated them. Some yellow roses. They’re supposed to represent friendship and gratitude. I thought it was fitting; I’m so grateful to have had the privilege of calling you my best friend. I think you would have liked them. I hope so. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- This month’s been harder than any of the others. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I don’t know why.</p><p>JW- Talking to you as if you’re still here is how I cope. I know it’s ridiculous. I bet you’d have laughed. (not delivered)</p><p>JW- But the worst part is, I can tell everyone’s given up on me. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 5th October 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Can you just come back, please? (not delivered) </p><p>JW- God, what am I doing? (not delivered) </p><p>JW- You’re gone. Dead. Never coming back. That’s what everyone keeps telling me. And I know it’s true. Deep down, I do. But I can’t bring myself to fully accept it. Because, if I do, if I say that you’re dead and believe it, then it’s real. And I can’t carry on, if I accept that you’re not coming back. Because then I’m alone. Sure, I have Molly, Mrs Hudson, Greg, but IT ISN’T THE SAME. You were my best friend, Sherlock. When I was with you, it felt like everything was going to be okay. And I’m not sure if I can do this without you any longer. Do you know what the worst part is? I’m supposed to be a doctor and I didn’t even realise you were suicidal. What kind of doctor does that make me? What kind of friend? I miss you so much. So much that, some days, I can’t even get out of bed. Most days, actually. I know I’m depressed and I know I should see a therapist but how could they possibly help me? Unless they can bring you back, there’s nothing they can do. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 27th October 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I love you so much, Sherlock, do you know that? You were my best friend. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I remember the time I first told you that. You were so shocked, you didn’t believe me. It broke my heart that you didn’t think yourself worthy or capable of earning that title. But I truly mean it when I say that you were the best friend anyone could have. I have so many amazing memories and I owe you so much. (not delivered)</p><p><b> 18th November 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you (not delivered)</p><p><b> 21st December 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Christmas is going to be hard, I can tell. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 25th December 2017 </b> </p><p>JW- Merry Christmas. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I miss you. (not delivered) </p><p>JW- I miss us getting blind drunk and wandering around the Christmas stalls, with you trying to deduce everything, while completely shit-faced. I miss Mrs Hudson’s mince pies (she didn’t feel up to making them this year) and inviting everyone round to the flat, laughing and absolutely destroying Greg at Pictionary. The flat is silent this year and it doesn’t feel right. I miss everything, Sherlock. It’s not the same without you. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 1st January 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- Happy New Year. I miss you so much. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 6th January 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- Happy Birthday. I was planning to write a long, sappy message that you would have said was stupid, had you been here, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Just know that I will always love you and that I miss you more than words can express. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 13th February 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I feel so empty without you. It’s been ages, Sherlock, is this feeling ever going to go away? (not delivered) </p><p><b> 3rd March 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- It’s been a year without you, Sherlock, and I miss you so much. I hope you’re happy. I know you never believed in heaven and neither do I but, wherever you are, I hope you’re okay. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 12th April 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 2nd June 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- Well, I haven’t texted you in a while, have I? Sorry! I have something to tell you, though; I’ve started really trying to pull myself together. I know it’s never going to be the same without you, believe me, I do. But, the other day, Molly said something that really opened my eyes. She said that you’d want me to move on and that it’d upset you to see me like this. And she’s right. It’s been over a year, Sherlock, and I can’t wallow in self-pity and grief forever, no matter how much I want to. So I’ve started seeing a therapist! I know you hated them and said they were unnecessary and self-righteous, but I’d like to think you’d be proud of me. For trying to move on, that is. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 30th June 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I’m going to start helping Greg and Scotland Yard solve cases, Sherlock! I don’t know how you’d feel about that, but I hope you'd be okay with it. I want to help people, just like you did. I know I’ll never be anywhere near as amazing as you, but I’m going to try my best and hopefully make you proud! (not delivered) </p><p><b> 9th July 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I love you (not delivered) </p><p><b> 1st August 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- Greg and I solved a really interesting case today! A triple homicide but the weird thing was that the victims’ DNA was all identical to each other, although they were clearly different people! My first thought was triplets but I know what you would have said to that (“It’s never twins or triplets, John”). I’ll tell you more about it later, I’m going out to the pub with a few of the officers from Scotland Yard, to celebrate. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 19th August 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I miss you. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 7th September 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I just thought I'd let you know that I’ve met someone! Her name’s Mary. I think you’d have liked her. She reminds me of you, in a way. She’s determined and funny and strong-willed...and sometimes bloody annoying. But she makes me so happy. In fact, she’s the only person/thing that’s made me genuinely happy since...well, since St Barts. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 29th October 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- It’s going really well with Mary, Sherlock! I wish you could’ve met her, I know you’d have hit it off straight away. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 1st November 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I still miss you more than anything. (not delivered)</p><p><b> 14th November 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I visited your grave today and brought you some chrysanthemums. I think you’d have really liked them, although they set off my allergies! Do you remember that case in Cornwall? I was sneezing all over the place and, apparently, that led you to the deduction that helped you solve the case! Don’t ask me how, I’ve never figured that out. Your brain always did work in such strange ways -your deductions were bloody brilliant, of course- but it was strange, how you got there. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 21st December 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- I think I’m going to ask Mary to marry me tonight! I know it’s rather soon but I love her and I’m certain that this is the right decision. (not delivered) </p><p>JW-I’m in the cab now. I’ll let you know how it goes. (not delivered) </p><p><b> 22nd December 2018 </b> </p><p>JW- Goodnight, you absolute bastard. I still can’t believe it. I feel like I’m going to wake up and it’ll all have been a dream. Thanks for crashing my proposal...not. I’m sorry I hit you….three times….but you were gone for almost <i> two years </i>, Sherlock. Two bloody years. </p><p>JW- Jesus Christ, I missed you. </p><p>JW- I love you. </p><p>SH- I love you too.</p>
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